Finding Hope and Honest Conversations: How a Mental Health Class is Changing Our Marriage (and Could Change the World)

Derek and I a few weeks ago- we took a cruise and I surprised him with actually buying some of the photos they took of us as an anniversary present.

You know that feeling when you're sitting in traffic and your heart starts racing? Not because you're actually in danger, but because being late triggers something deeper? For me, that panic comes from my military days – where being late could literally be life or death. So when traffic hits or Derek takes longer to get ready, my brain sounds every alarm like it's the end of the world.

If you've never asked yourself why you react the way you do to certain situations, this post might just change everything for you.

The Class That's Changing Everything

Right now, Derek and I are five weeks into an 8-week mental health class through Operation Welcome Home – we're doing a test run of this program from SHINE Hope Company. We wanted to see what the program was all about and get feedback from our board and other professionals in the area. We wanted to make sure our mission and what we want to teach aligns with this company before potentially rolling it out to veterans across our state.

It's just an hour once a week, but honestly? I think this class could change the world for anyone who actually listens.

We still have three more weeks to go, but the conversations Derek and I are having now feel completely different. We're not weird. We're not alone in our struggles. And for the first time in a long time, we both have words to put with our feelings.

Of course, I haven't even really scratched the surface of this course – these are just some of my takeaways so far. But I feel extremely honored to potentially be able to bring this to the state of West Virginia and to our veterans, pending our evaluation of this test run.

The instructor we have teaching the course is one of the most incredible people. She has such a passion for helping people, and as a veteran herself, she really wants to make a difference. The two of us teaming up? I feel like we're going to change the lives of so many people.

Intelligence vs. Emotionally Intelligent (They're Not the Same Thing)

Here's something important: don't mistake emotional intelligence for regular intelligence. I consider myself pretty emotionally intelligent, but I'm also intelligent enough to know I still have a long way to go with my personal mental health journey.

Derek, on the other hand, is definitely intelligent – but he's where I was a few years ago when it comes to understanding his emotions. He never really worked on asking himself those deeper questions about why he feels what he feels. And that's okay! We all start somewhere.

Hope Isn't Just a Wish – It's Measurable

This class has taught us that hope isn't some fluffy concept you wish for. Real hope is actually measurable. It means having goals AND clear pathways to reach those goals. When one pathway gets blocked, you have backups ready.

When you lose hope, you lose your purpose in life. I've definitely been there, and I know you probably have too.

The beautiful thing? This works at any stage of life. Whether your goals are climbing mountains or just taking a daily shower, seeing your grandkids twice a year, or going for that morning walk – when you start accomplishing goals (no matter how big or small), you start feeling so much better about yourself.

What I Can (and Can't) Control

I'm a control freak. I love trying to control outcomes – if I do X, Y, and Z, I expect to get exactly what I planned in my head. I always plan for worst case scenarios, but realizing the limited number of things I actually can control has been very weird. But it's also allowed me to actually breathe.

I can't control the traffic I'm stuck in, but I can control how I react to it. I can't control how people respond to things, including how Derek processes his emotions. Realizing this has been liberating in the strangest way.

Open Conversations, Real Healing

The most amazing part? Derek and I can now have open conversations about how we're feeling. When he does something he thinks I'll be okay with but it hurts my feelings, it doesn't mean he can't do anything right. It also doesn't mean I'm wrong for feeling hurt.

I no longer have to hide my feelings to make him happy, and he finally has words to describe what's going on in his head. We're both learning that just because we feel something doesn't make the other person wrong – and that's been huge for us.

Your Turn

If you're reading this and you've never asked yourself why you react to things the way you do, or what really makes you angry (not just "traffic is annoying" but the deeper why), start there.

What triggers send you back to old patterns? You can't control how you feel about things, but you can control how you act on those feelings. What situations are you trying to control that aren't actually in your control?

It won't work perfectly 100% of the time, especially at first. But at least you'll have more of a feeling of control over your emotions and actions.

And that? That's where hope begins.

Want to Learn More?

No, I don't make any money by sending you to their site – I just wanted to share it so if you're interested, you can learn more at https://theshinehopecompany.com.

If you're in West Virginia or a nearby state, be ready for us to potentially be rolling out these classes. Everything we do for veterans is free of charge, and we try to make everything free for community members as well. If this is something that interests you, please reach out to me – we can let you know when we get a class schedule together.