The Wake-Up Call That Saved My Understanding

Emu trying to sneak up behind me- they are actually very quiet

Part 3 of 3: When Everything I Thought I Knew About Myself Was Wrong

In Part 1, I told you about the doctor who wouldn't give up.

In Part 2, you learned how ADHD medication freed me from my invisible prison. But this story has one more twist that changed everything I thought I knew about how much these medications actually help...

The Vacation That Changed Everything

A little over a month ago, I went on a cruise and my routine got completely thrown off. I wasn't really paying attention to missing doses of my medication here and there - I was on vacation, after all.

When I got back, I started going downhill, but it was so gradual I didn't connect the dots. I just wasn't following through with things. The depression crept back in. My thoughts of suicide started happening more frequently. The less I could sleep at night, the worse everything got during the day.

The pills were no longer part of my routine, so it was hard for me to remember to take them. Because my focus wasn't where it should be, I didn't realize how inconsistent I was being with my medication.

It took almost a month of struggling before I finally realized what was happening. Missing those doses had sent me spiraling back to where I used to live every single day - back to that invisible prison I thought I'd escaped.

The Crash That Opened My Eyes

This whole experience showed me just how much these medications actually do. I thought they were just helping me focus at work, but they help with my depression, thinking through situations, and I don't feel overwhelmed 24/7. They're affecting everything.

I'm extremely sad that while I was off my meds, I wasn't able to keep up with all my tasks. Outside of work, I help with another organization, and I dropped the ball on my duties. I was in such task paralysis that I just couldn't do anything. Normally someone from that group calls me to check in, but I think I finally ruined that situation. They just moved on, covered down, and kept rolling - as they should.

I felt like such an anchor holding them back. They handled everything without missing a beat, which should have made me feel better - but instead it just highlighted how replaceable I really am. Don't get me wrong, I know we are all replaceable at our jobs, but it's one thing to say it and still feel deep down you're needed and have value. It's another thing entirely to see firsthand how much better off they are without you (that's how I was feeling at the time, but I do know I add value - at that point I saw my worth at zero).

This made me struggle to get out of bed, and I saw no hope - that everyone and everything was better without me. Thankfully I didn't stay in this super low for very long. My husband could see how bad things had gotten and pushed me to refill my prescription. The task paralysis was so severe that I'd completely run out of medication and couldn't bring myself to even call it in. He ended up having to handle getting my refill for me, and from the moment when it arrived in the mail my husband told me to take it as soon as it came. Then the next day he made sure I took it when I needed to. On the second full day I was already back in the swing and took it before he reminded me.

Where I Am Now

Day three back on taking my medication consistently since the month of being extremely sporadic with them. It's wild how quickly I can already feel the difference - I'm starting to sleep better again, and that overwhelming feeling is starting to ease up.

The speed of my recovery showed me something crucial: this isn't about willpower or trying harder. This is about brain chemistry. This is about giving my brain the tools it needs to function properly.

To Anyone Still Struggling

If you're reading this and you see yourself in my story, please know: you're not lazy. You're not broken. You're not weak.

ADHD medication isn't about getting high or taking the easy way out. It's about giving your brain the tools it needs to function the way it's supposed to. It's about finally accessing the life you've always craved but couldn't quite reach.

If you're on the fence about treatment, talk to your doctor. If you're already on medication but struggling with consistency (like I was on that cruise), remember that these medications work when we work with them.

You deserve to feel capable. You deserve to follow through on your plans. You deserve the life you've always craved.

And if you're in that invisible prison right now - there's a way out. You're not stuck there forever.

What I Know Now

Four Monster energy drinks a day was never the solution - it was a symptom. The exhaustion, the overwhelm, the feeling of failing at being human - none of that was my fault.

Sometimes the hardest part isn't getting help. It's accepting that you deserve it.

If my story resonates with you, if you see yourself in these words, please don't wait as long as I did. That doctor who wouldn't give up on me? Find yours. Your future self is waiting on the other side of that conversation.

The invisible prison has a door. You just need the right key.

Thank you for following my journey. If this story helped you, please share it with someone who might need to hear it. We're all in this together. 💙